Past, Present, and Future

My inspiration today...

• Everybody's Changing-Keane
• Everything We Had-The Academy Is...
• Invisible-Taylor Swift
• My Highway-Jason Aldean
• No Reins-Rascal Flatts
• A mission farewell
• Long drive back to Ephraim

I feel like some people get stuck in the past.

Some people would rather keep their image of you from your past in your mind, instead of replacing it with the present person.

I feel like I sometimes do this as well.

Kind of like holding onto the memories because the people have changed.

That realization kind of sucks, but it's always needed.

I loved high school. I had a blast, and I wouldn't change my high school experience for the world. 

But I love college. I wouldn't go back to high school for anything. I love who I am now. Sometimes, I feel like people stick with who they thought you were, and not who you have become. This is kind of a bummer.

I guess it's kind of like this though...

I also have noticed that people really do surprise you. Whether it is good or bad depends on the person and the surprise. Some have a way of completely changing their futures, and it truly inspires you to change yours.

The best thing of all--late night talks with your life long best friend. Times like these are never replaceable. 

Do it to it.

moving on

My inspiration... :

• Fighter- Christina Aguilera
• See You When I See You-Jason Aldean
• Easy-Rascal Flatts ft. Natasha Bedingfield
• Sante Fe-Christian Bale from Newsies
• Heartbeats-Jose Gonzales
• To Make Her Love Me-Rascal Flatts
• Dani Burnett
• Manti Temple

Many years ago, I fell in love. I know it was love because the passion and feelings that I had for this boy were unmeasurable and I never could find the feelings for any other boy that I felt for him. Many years ago, I fell in love. And many years ago, I got my heart broken. Anyone would say it was just a summer love. Maybe it was. But it was one that lasted for over 5 years.
For 5 years now, I have known this boy did not deserve me. For 5 years now, I saved my heart for this boy. For 5 years, I tried to hide my love for him for fear of getting hurt and for fear of hurting those in my life who knew I deserved better. For 5 years, my heart would skip a beat at any reminder of him. For 5 years, I would try to relive the time I spent with him because I thought it made me feel worth and loved. For 5 years, I held onto this boy for dear life, for fear of being alone. For 5 years, I sold myself for less and kept myself chained to this boy who could not treat me correctly; who could not be honest with me in everything; who could not understand the most sincere things in my life; who knew me and said he loved me despite my flaws, yet could find flaws he felt needed to change; who could not take me to my castle; who did not understand the importance of being sealed in the Temple; this boy who really couldn't make me happy, even when I tried to convince myself he could.

I wouldn't change what I learned from this boy. He has taught me about love, about life, about what I don't want and what I do, what I deserve and what I do not. This boy is a great guy; but he's not a great guy for me.
Starting today, I am now free. My fear of being alone for my whole life-gone. I will find the boy of my dreams. Someday. I am no longer settling, because I don't need to. I might fall short of my own expectations sometimes, but that's okay. Because I am free.

No more hiding my heart. No more holding onto my weight because he thought it made me beautiful. No more feeling sorry for myself because I let a boy keep me down. No more thinking that my issues are what will get in the way of my dreams. No more being vulnerable to a boy who is not vulnerable to me too.


I want to thank all of the friends and family who stuck by me. Who constantly encouraged me of my worth and what I deserved, even when I didn't listen. The friends who did whatever it took, even if it meant yelling until I got the picture, to keep my spirits high and to move past this ridiculous hiccup in my life. For the family who showed empathy, even when they never really understood.



And I will find a man who feels this

and has the courage to not only tell me, but to show me that this is how he feels.


A tip to the lost:
Don't settle. You're not alone. And never give up.

I've come to find out...

My inspiration...:

• If You Hie To Kolob-Sarah Morgann
• In the Strength of the Lord-Jenny Phillips
• The Living Proof- Mary J. Blige
• Holding Out For A Hero-Ella Mae Bowen
• Best Thing I Never Had-Beyonce
• a big little life-Dean Koontz
• My Scriptures

Now that I have successfully completed a full semester of college, I have lived on my own for 5 months, and I have loved almost every second of it, I have figured the do's and don't's of life. So far.
In all honesty, I came to Snow College because I was tired of the life I lived in Farmington. I was tired of being the fat girl, tired of being single, tired of being the oldest child, tired of doing things. I was genuinely tired. So, I moved out with the expectations that I would 1) not be fat anymore, 2) find my prince charming to sweep me off of my feet, 3) become the absentee child because I lived away from home. 4) I thought I wouldn't have to do things, and I thought I would gain this newly found love for life.

Whelp. Here I am, 5 months down the road. I have lost 7 lbs. (only on a good day), I still have not found my prince, I'm still the oldest child, I do more living on my own than I did living at home-the only difference is it is for myself, not for my family.
But I did accomplish one of my pre-blindly-planned goals-I gained a new love for life. The things I've learned are worth so much more than what I thought I would experience. I learned that I didn't come here to find my happily ever after-I came to find myself. I realized I don't need a boy to make myself happy or to make my life worth while. I know there are imperfections, in which I have caused, but there are ways of altering these imperfections. I love my family so much more now than I ever thought I could. I learned there will be contention and confrontation in life, that you have to deal with face to face-not over a text message. And you still have to live with that person. The beauties and goodness in others is so much more apparent to me. Life never was all about what I planned, but all about what my Heavenly Father had planned. And it is going according to his plan-I know this now.

My advice:

• Find a good group of friends. Ones that can make you laugh so hard that you literally almost pee your pants. That you can feel completely comfortable with, and that share the same values as you. Friends that are always kind, even when your jokes might not be as kind. Find friends that you can be yourself with, and they will be themselves as well. 

• Do things that will uplift you. Don't experiment with stuff that you know is stupid. Just because you're on your own, doesn't make those things any less stupid than they were when under your parent's supervision. Your friends will play a huge role in this. 

• Never take your worth for granted. You are always worth it. Always. You wouldn't have been given this life if you weren't.

• Start a good book. There is no way to better pamper yourself than to relax, let your hair down, and let your mind soar. Whether or not you pay attention to the words and details on the page is entirely up to you. You'd be surprised the things in your brain that just need to be let out and lived.

• Sing at the top of your lungs. At least once a day. And try once a week to do it with your best friend. It doesn't matter who hears-for those fortunate ears that hear your love for life through belting a song out, it might just be the inspiration for that day. Laugh  until it hurts. Nothing relieves the stresses from life better. Look for the best in others-it makes everything a whole lot easier. And last of all-live YOUR life. And your life only.

Do it to it.

what's really on my mind...

I feel like my whole life, various people have told me over and over that I should serve a mission. And it always was a "well, if I'm not married, that'd be neat." When in reality, it scares the living you know out of me.  To share something so sincere and close to my heart with complete strangers, risking being shut down, would truly break my heart. Well, the past week or so, I realized: Who am I to withhold THE most sincere and the one thing that is closest to my heart from those who have not experienced it? It's pretty selfish, if I do say so. I love this Gospel more than anything on this earth, so why would I want to hide it? Well I'm not. 

I have made my decision: I want to be a missionary of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints

Therefore, I have chosen to serve a mission. :)

I have 1 year and 9 months to prepare. And I cannot wait! I'm pretty sure I am more excited than most boys are that are leaving within the next few months...

Also, another thing I have realized is how truly blessed I am to have the great friends I do. I have a handful of amazing people that I call my best friends, even more than I call my family, and so many friends that brighten my day everyday that I can't even count. So, since I am feeling so grateful... I'll write a little tribute here for you all to see. :)

My family is hands down the best. Every single person in this picture has helped me to be where I am today. Whether it's talking to me and being there for me while I faced the hardest times of my life, being examples to me, making me laugh until I literally pee my pants, cry because they have touched my heart, every single person in this picture has made a very large impact in my life, and they probably don't know it. I would have to write a book if I went to into specifics about each person, because they have all done so much and I think so highly of every single one of them. One person has been added to the family since this picture, Mike Harris. And my dad, Rubin Rodriguez, is missing. These two have both influenced me a lot.

My dad has truly taught me the most in my life. He taught me to be a hard worker and to always do my best, no matter what. He has taught me to be tough and to stand for what I believe in. He has taught me to be forgiving and to have compassion, always, no matter who it is. He has taught me to always give others a second chance, because nobody is perfect and everyone is learning while they are going through this life. My dad taught me that the atonement was for everyone-not just for me. I learned the importance of getting over grudges and the importance of having a family. I learned that everyone can change, even when you least expect it. Some of these things came from example, some did not. But I learned them the most from this special man, who will always have a very special place in my heart. He is my dad... <3

Now onto my friends... This is in alphabetical order.

Chris Pearson has forever changed me and the person that I am. He has proven to me that there are truly amazing guys still out there that genuinely care. He is such an amazing example to me and every time I see him, speak to him, or am with him, I see the image of my Savior on his countenance. So, as you would guess, he's the best to be around. :) He has been an amazing friend to me, and truly shows his love for me, always. I am the luckiest person in the world to have him as my best friend. I know that.

Dani Burnett is not only my roommate, but one of the most amazing people I have ever met. She is so confident and so sure of herself that I always am wanting to be like her. She doesn't let people push her around, which is another quality I wish I was stronger in. She is always there to listen, even when it is inconvenient or obnoxious or something that she probably doesn't care about, but she is still always there. She uplifts me when I'm down on myself, and she loves me just the way I am-crazy, messy, insane, sometimes dramatic, and a genuine yo-yo. I couldn't imagine a better roommate!

Hailli Mineer is the biggest trooper I have ever met. This girl is like an energizer bunny in the sense that no matter what life throws at her, she just keeps going and going and going. :) She is so strong and doesn't let the tumbles of life get her down. She is kind and loving and one of the most loyal people I have ever met. I am so thankful for her and all that she has taught me. She has prepared me for pretty much everything in my life-especially having roommates. I couldn't imagine a life without my Doug. 

The friend that I have stayed the closest with for the longest time would be Jenny Zimmerman. This girl knows me better than I know myself and she still is my best friend. We have learned so much from each other about everything in life, from boys to school to church to friendship. She has seen me at my very worst, and saw me through to my very best. We hit rough patches, but we always find our way back to each other. If I could do anything for this girl, it would be to repay her for everything that she has done for me. I would be so lost without her and her constant support in my life. I honestly would not be who I am or where I am today if she hadn't always been there to keep me grounded and keep me going.

Jessica Jeppson would be my other half. We will be old, gray, and incontinent and still be the best of friends. Words could never describe how blessed I am to have her as my best friend. She teaches me so much, especially about myself, and I am so grateful for her. I can always have a good time with my Jess-it is like having a sister I never had. She'll always be my number one fan, and I'll be hers. :)

Mal and Tess are like two peas in a pod-and I wouldn't have them any other way. They have become two of my closest friends and the best roommates I could ask for. Some of my best memories are with them-We ALWAYS have a good time. They have listened to my soap stories and they still love me. I couldn't handle college life without these two.



These are the ones on my mind right now. They're not the only ones I am thankful for though. :)  Life is truly amazing and beautiful, and God has made it that way.

Oh, and for an update on my resolutions...I quit them all except taking a picture everyday and to think before I speak. But, that's something I can live with...for now. :)
Stay classy!

Contention and confrontation....the beauties.

Inspiration for the blog:

• Fight with a roommate
• The Living Proof-Mary J. Blige
• The Rules of "Normal" Eating-Karen R. Koenig
• Not Over You-Gavin DeGraw

If only I would act like a lady by following this. BUT my actions led to a confrontation that truly needed to happen. Fighting is good, when it is done correctly and in the right setting. It can solve situations and it really is quite freeing and liberating to get your feelings out there and to be heard. The peace I felt yesterday and from then on, really, has been amazing. Both sides were able to be completely honest and feel better. It was a great experience. :)

On a lighter note, I LOVE my classes so far! They seem like they will be classes I'll really enjoy and really learn stuff in. I'm excited for college. :)

It's good to be in good ol' Ephraim.

So, to leave you with my thought for today: Don't be negative. Act your age. Be mature. Love life-you only get one. And if you don't like things change them. The church is true-I'll go to my grave with that knowledge. 

Jesus loves you. I do too. :)

Beauty all around me

Today's inspiration:

• Holding Out for a Hero- Ella Mae Bowen
• 1901- Phoenix
• Trouble With Girls- Scotty McCreery
• I'm Gonna Love You Through It- Martina McBride
• Keep Me In Mind- Zac Brown Band
• All Your Life- The Band Perry
• Home- Edward Sharpe & the Magnetic Zeros (as always)

After a pretty chill and relaxed day, I decided to end it by going to my favorite spot on the mountain in Farmington to watch the meteor shower. Too bad the shower decided not to show up! While I was sitting and pondering about pretty much just life in general, I realized how lucky I am to be surround by such beautiful things. This (^) is what I saw when I looked straight ahead-and this is at night.

The most beautiful thing that I am surrounded with, and I didn't fully realize this until tonight, was myself.
I am SO blessed to have this body, that God gave to me. He created it, and there are no mistakes. Yet, until now I have absolutely hated this body. And why? Because of my own fault-I don't take care of it like I should. So, to feel better about it, I sat and thought of all of the little things about myself that I liked. Turns out, there is beauty in everything.
Like coming home to find your dogs both asleep, in your bed.
Not really my favorite thing to discover, until it hit me. They obviously miss me. Neither of them will leave my side while I am home, and I usually think it is annoying when I am trying to get things done and I have these two, large, lazy dogs by my side at all times. Even when I don't like myself, they are there, liking me. A quick reminder that my dogs are truly my biggest fans-even if they mess up and stink up my bed. ;)
So my challenge to anyone wishing to accept it (and in all honesty, it is mostly to myself). Realize the beauty all around. Notice the chirping birds after several days of gloom, the crickets on summer nights, the headlights that help provide city lights, the gospel of Jesus Christ and all that it does for us on this earth, and most of all-YOURSELF! Give thanks for what you have.
Envy not what you don't have. You already have all that you need.

The first of the first of the two-thousand and twelve

Before I begin...
Credit for inspiration of my newly designed and fashion of my blog: Laura Schwab, Mandi Call, New Years Day
Inspiration of thoughts:

• Home-Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros
• You Make My Dreams Come True-The World & Band (on repeat)
• A Thousand Years-Christina Perri
• Hear You Me-Jimmy Eat World
• Pintrest Quotes
• The Trouble with Girls-Scotty McCreery
• The Underdog-Spoon
• Daylight-Matt & Kim
• Lasso-Phoenix
• New Soul-Yael Naim & David Donatien
• Late night brain juices

Now then. The perfect way to spend any night, really. would be to cuddle up in your favorite blanket (pink elephant would be my choice), turn on my Home Radio on Pandora, and just let yourself think. Or not think. Whichever works best.
Since it is new years, here are my New Years Resolutions that I have thought up so far-there will probably be more to come.

1. Give more hugs. Like a hug everyday. I feel like I hold back when it comes to just embracing anyone who, without my knowing, probably just needs that embrace. Even if it is just for me and not the other person.
2. Run at least 2 miles everyday-except Sunday. I'll walk those.
3. Cut out sugar. I'll start tomorrow. ;)
4. Take one picture, everyday. My life is truly beyond blessed, and sometimes exciting. So who am I to hide that?
5. Think before I speak. Whether it is honesty that may jeopardize other's feelings, or honesty which will jeopardize other's questioning of my sanity. I will use my brain more than my mouth.

I'm fresh out. Until next time. :)
P.S. Here's my end of 2011

 Before and after