Truth be told, the past couple of months have been really rough.
Actually, 2014 was really rough.
And I chose to not be gracious and embrace, but I kept blinders on and my heart closed.
2014 was a year of healing, of hurting.
A year of learning, persevering, and breathing only because it would be harder not to.
I chose to be angry and hurt,
and I closed off my heart to everyone-including my God.
Along with all of this bogus (because that's what it really was, bogus),I of course learned the art of hating myself.
And with hating myself, I hated my body.
Which I can tell you right now is the most welcoming situation for Satan and his angels to enter in and reek havoc on the mind and body that God Almighty gave us-not them.
Unfortunately, I have learned and now know that I'm not the only one who has felt like this and had to struggle with this.
Missionaries returning home
-whether they had to return early, or they served the expected 18-24 months-
face the struggle of the bliss and heartache of missionary work and adjust to real life.
Pre-mi's will say they want to serve a mission to share their happiness with others.
But I feel most any one who has served a mission knows
that the Lord calls us for ourselves.
Yes, we serve to bring others to Christ.
But a mission is the greatest spiritual work shop created. And I want to be a missionary again for my own selfish reasons-to chase and feel that again.
It's not just with missionaries.It's with the ones who had one negative word spoken about them, probably back when they were 8 years old, that has continued to eat at and grow self-hatred and disgust.
It's the high school girl who can never keep up with the competing girls, and hides instead of blossoms.
Or the high school boy who would give anything to show one of these girls how truly special she is, but is rejected for not being 'her type'.
It's the college student that is going nuts with classes, social life, and being themselves without the safety of their family and their hometown.
It's the young single adults that know that the next step is to get married, but already throwing in the towel assuming they aren't good enough for the best.
It's the newly weds, the not-so-newly weds, and the 'more experienced' ones
who feel unworthy to be married to their spouse, have the children they have, or be who they are.
It's the cancer patients and survivors that fret over their altered body that may be lopsided or different from how it was.
Self esteem is such a large part of our lives
--in fact, it can dictate the entire course of our lives--
and we try to ignore and mask it.
I'll be the first to admit that self esteem has never been my forte.
I've been the girl who was called ugly so long ago, and continues to let that unworthiness grow and royally take over my life.
The happiest I ever have been was on my mission, and I am understanding the reason why.
I was floating on my confidence in God, and in His message.
My confidence in my Heavenly Father
spilled into my own self confidence
because I was allowing myself to feel His love,
and to just be His daughter.
I was content being His servant and submitting my will to His.
Part of submitting my will to His, was seeing myself as He sees me...
We are nothing without God, so we must involve Him in our being something.
So what do we do with this? What do we do with the fact that Satan is trying with every ounce of energy he has to defeat us and to gain control of our bodies?
To think that Satan has no control when our self esteem is defeated is an illusion.
Our agency and our ability to act and change the world is reflected by how we view ourselves. The greatest way to defeat this feeling is to serve others,
but what do we do when we don't even feel we can do that?
My 2015 resolution, and main goal, is to love myself.
It is to understand my worth, my real worth.
It is to find myself beautiful,
to find beauty in my life,
and to look for and acknowledge beauty in those around me.
My goal is to love myself as God loves me,
in the capacity that I can being a mortal.
I have already noticed a difference as I started my diligent pursuit a couple of weeks ago,
and how my life has changed in that short time.
My goal is to align my will with God,
to gain my confidence in Him
and to respect and love my mind, my spirit, and my body the way that He would have me do it.
God does love us, He sent His Son Jesus Christ because of that love.
And how it must hurt Him that we push that love away and put barriers around our hearts.
Jesus Christ has already paid for
the infirmities, afflictions, sins, weaknesses, and imperfections we have
-then why are we continuing to hold onto them?
Why do we deny the Savior the opportunity to fulfill His purpose by sanctifying us?
We are all beautiful, in our own distinct and unique way.
We are all worthy to be loved, because we have a perfect God who loves us.
We are His children, and we are created by Him.
It's about time we start to grasp this, and allow others to feel this as well.
Special thanks to: the book "why i don't hide my freckles anymore; prospectives on true beauty"
-edited by LaNae Valentine and Lisa Tensmeyer Hansen
#usekindness
#bebeautiful
#usetheinternetforgood