dating?

3 months.
Sorry about it... I work so much I barely see my mom, and it's usually as I am leaving to go to work or returning home from work and getting ready for bed. And that's my mom. Unfortunately, I have epically neglected my friends, my family, and my social life. But I want you all to know that I'm doing okay, and I'm happier now than I have been in a really long time.

No, I don't have a boyfriend. ain't nobody got time for that.
No, I'm not in school. but it's coming soon.
No, I haven't run away to North Dakota. i'm still here in Utah.
I have come to a new understanding.

I am learning to love and embrace my life right now. I am learning to embrace who I am right now. I am learning to embrace how I am right now.
My mind is always moving 300 mph in multiple directions. Sometimes it seems like my brain is on a round about and I just throw random things out during the crazy curve. I hit a stop light just with enough time to study my scriptures and rest my body, and the dawn breaks and I'm at it again.

[as for my health, some days are still better than others.

some days I feel 18, some days 22,

and most days at least 50.

but I'm relying more on the Lord

 to accomplish what I need to,

and to make me rest while I can.

He knows my heart, and we're in a mutual agreement.]

Anyways, the number one thing I am asked now that I'm home and no longer in the awkward green RM stage (which I sometimes dip my toes in that water pretty often), is if I am dating anyone.
The conversation usually goes like this...

'Where did you serve? How long have you been home?'

I served in South Dakota, and I absolutely loved it. I got home in February, so about 8 months.

'Oh, so you're finally adjusting. Are you dating anyone?'

No, I'm not. I'm just rolling through life.

'Oh. You're not dating... So what do you want to do with your life? Do you want to get married?'

......

(enter Nacho Libre-'man, get that corn outta my face!')

I don't know what it is about sisters serving missions and the idea that we don't want to get married. But holy cow guys-yes, I want to get married.
Yes, I'm doing something with my life. It's called strengthening my relationship with my God. No, I didn't serve a mission because I couldn't get married and I had nothing better to do. I served because I had the desire too, and God saw it fit for me to serve a full time missionary.
No, I'm not avoiding marriage or dates. Dating is hard.

The truth is, I want what every girl has dreamt of since she could talk-I want someone who adores me. I want someone who accepts my flaws and my imperfections. I want someone who is patient with me and understands that sometimes I'm not all that rational-but I'm worth it. But it's not all about finding that man to adore me; it's about allowing someone else in, allowing someone to adore me.

I'm doing just that, and it's with my Heavenly Father. I'm allowing Him to accept my flaws and my imperfections. I'm allowing Him to be patient with me. I'm allowing Him to understand that I'm not always rational, but He knows, oh how He knows that I am worth it. I am allowing Him to adore me.

 

Now, this does not mean that I am joining a convent and becoming a nun. ain't nobody got time for that either. But it does mean that my heart is with My God.

every girl wants to be pretty.

really, everyone wants to be considered attractive.

I know my most attractive attribute will be

my relationship with my Heavenly Father.

And I have found more happiness

and beauty

by joining with Him to make my life all it can be.

 

I am striving to be the girl whose heart is so close with God

that a man must draw nearer to Him to get to me.

Because the triangle...

                                                                             God

                                                                                /\

                                                                              /    \

                                                                            /        \

                                                                          /            \

                                                                        /                \

                                                                 Husband------Wife

...is really what it's all about.

 

So yes. I'm single.

Yes. I want to get married.

Yes. I am dating.

No. I'm not desperate.

No. I'm not only looking to get married right away.

And yes, I do love my God.

 

There ya have it, folks. There's my shpeel on life lately.

Now, pass this on to the old people that assume I'll be forever alone.

Happy 6 months!

Obviously my blogging skills have taken a blow. So I'm doing this a day early, because we all know I won't be doing it tomorrow!

6 months ago tomorrow, I returned home from my mission. I had 3 days to prepare myself, pack, and say my goodbyes to the people I loved with all my heart. My first 3 months of being home were spent in anger, sadness, and longing to return to the mission field as a full-time missionary. I cried every day, I blocked the world out knowing I'd return to mission rules. I avoided people, put an expiration date on my being home, and lived in the future and the past-anything but the present.

The last 3 months have been a bit different. I miss my mission every single day. I miss being a missionary, I miss wearing my name tag. I miss the stress of other's receiving the Restored Gospel more than my own salvation. I miss having that mantle. I miss being recognized as a Representative of Jesus Christ just by seeing the black tag attached to my clothing. I miss being happy. But I have also come to realize, that this is all the Lord's will. And my accepting of it has allowed me to grow and do His work the way He wants it done-not how I think it should be done. He knows, oh He knows better than anyone how badly I wished to return to my mission. He knows the pain I've felt, my heart being ripped in two. He knows the tears I've shed, the embarrassment I've born, the frustration I have with my body and my situation. He knows what I want. Yet, He has loved me enough to continue to show me what He wants, and that what He wants is infinitely more powerful and meaningful than what I want. I had a hard time understanding, because if what I want is to do His will, why isn't He letting me do it? I have righteous desires, I have meaningful goals. What I failed to see is that if I am really wanting to do His will, if I really have righteous desires, if I really have meaningful goals, then I need to trust in His will, His desires, and His goals for me. If I am really His servant and representative, why am I fighting Him every step of the way? Why have I been so close minded to think that I can't be happy being home like I was in the mission field? Why have I been so angry when I have been doing as He asked of me specifically?
I am doing missionary work at home. I am providing others with opportunities to return to live with their Father in Heaven. I am helping others to see and feel the love of God. I have an awesome opportunity to be with my family, and help strengthen them. I volunteer as a youth mentor, helping youth who haven't had good examples to change, to see that just because you have had a bad past does not mean you need to have a bad future. I am not perfect, and the Lord is helping me to remember this and act on this every single day.
I am learning to pay attention to my body, to provide it with the things it needs. I am learning to pay attention to my spirit, and to provide it with the things it needs. I am standing as a representative of Jesus Christ in my words, my actions, and my thoughts. I am learning, as every person does, that it is possible to maintain God's law in a world which hates and discriminates against it. It is possible to be His in the midst of a world who hates, despises, and rejects Him.
Aside from being in the temple, I'm sure that Satan works against me every second of every minute of every day. I feel his attacks constantly. But, I feel God's presence more. I feel His love, His hand, His help. I recognize there is darkness-I have just chosen not to dwell in it.

These past 6 months have been quite an experience. I am continuing to learn more about myself and God's love for me. I am continuing to learn who I am, and find who I am. Sometimes, I feel like I'm doing it alone. But I know I am never left unattended.
I wouldn't trade my 11 months and 3 weeks in the mission field for anything. I also wouldn't trade the last 6 months for anything.. I would be coming home in 4 weeks with the missionaries I started my journey with. I came home when the Lord needed me to. I served Him fully, and with my whole heart. I was honorably released. And now, I am continuing to learn how I can serve him in a different position of His royal army. I am no longer pretending to be who I was before, and I am starting to be who I am now.

I love my Savior Jesus Christ. I love my Heavenly Father, and I know without a doubt that They love me. I am a daughter of the Almighty God who created all things, and He has great things in store for me, and each of us as His children. I know that all is in God's hands, and even though I may be stubborn and bossy and fight it at times, I know He is in charge. I know that the Atonement is real, and because of Jesus Christ, I am healed and cleansed. I know that every single one of us can change and become something better than we ever could on our own with the Atonement. I know Jesus Christ is the Only Begotten Son of God. I know that the Book of Mormon is another testament of Jesus Christ, and it is true. Because of that truth, Joseph Smith was a prophet of God, and Thomas S. Monson is the prophet today. I know that these men are imperfect, but God has chosen them and will continue to guide them in guiding us. I know that families can be together forever, and I cannot wait to have my eternal family. I am so excited to be a mother and a wife, in building God's kingdom. I know that things don't always go according to my plan, but they will always go according to His. I am a disciple of Jesus Christ, and I will lay down my life defending His name.

Who I am .Now.

Oh the struggles of life. Since it is ever changing, it's ever confusing.

I love change, but I also don't like when change means out of my comfort zone. Does that even make sense? I like to change when it's in my plan, but when it's unplanned, it freaks me right out. So since I've been home, I have been trying to put myself back into the life I lived before I graduated high school, or my life at college, or my life before my mission. I tried to morph the friends I had into my life now, all while getting disheartened with the changes they had made or that I have made. I've tried to put pieces back together from my past, but I haven't been trying to build new pieces of my future, or even my present.
It's been a constant battle, hating the girl I see in the mirror. I always put these absurd ideas in my mind of what everyone 'wants' me to do or what they 'think' of me, when in all honesty, those thoughts don't reflect the people I've surrounded myself with. My family and friends would never think or say the thoughts that I have built up in my mind, imagining what they think. This whole time I have been beating myself up, trying to become what everyone else wanted me to become, but they were all false expectations. I am surrounded by incredible people who only want the best for me. And it's about dang time to let myself reach my full measure and be truly happy. Not only for me, but for my friends and family, and most importantly, my God.

So my latest project, as you all know I am always embarking on these projects of self-improvement, is to love the person looking back at me. And letting me be who I am now. I'm no longer holding onto who I was for fear of the changes that will happen. I'm holding onto who I'm becoming, and the potential I have.

Love who you are; love your reflection in the mirror. Both the physical and the emotional mirror. Because we are each here for a divine purpose, and we must view ourselves the way that our Loving Heavenly Father views us. Because His love is true, and unconditional.

My quick update**

So it's been a month. Yeah, I suck at blogging now that I am without a computer/laptop and I am spending more time with people than with a screen. Sorry about it..

For an update on me...
I am back to working. I'm at the credit union where I worked before my mission and I absolutely love my job! I am surrounded by incredible people who, weird for some to believe, genuinely love me for me. I am more myself at work than probably anywhere else. And my co-workers still like me, and they keep cheering me on. They listen when I vent, they encourage me when I'm down, they laugh when I'm funny, and they support me in being happy (and yes, I also work with men-not just women). They're the kind of people I want to be, and I'm glad I can take parts of them and apply it to making me. It is truly the greatest gift and an answer to my prayers. I am surrounded by some of God's choicest children, and He put them in my path for a reason.
I am volunteering as a youth mentor for the juvenile courts. I am in the process of being assigned a youth to work with. I am so excited for this opportunity to work with kids who have gotten into trouble and be a force for good for them. It is truly my dream volunteer work, maybe even job.
Which has helped to open my eyes for school. I am planning on attending SLCC or LDSBC in the fall to finish up my last few credits of my associates. Then I am hopefully headed off to Rexburg, Idaho to jump into my bachelors! Or, since I am loving my volunteer stuff, I might just stick around and attend the University of Utah or Weber State. The possiblities are endless, the money is not. :) My major changes every day in my mind between accounting, teaching, recreational therapy, psychology, and social work. I would probably love to be a probation officer. But mostly, I am just so excited to be a mom!
I spend a lot of time with my family, my cousins and all. My little cousins I absolutely ADORE-they each have me wrapped around their fingers. I would spend all of my time playing with them if I could. My family is well, their health is well. My brother got hit by a car on Monday, but he just walked away with scratches and bruises. He basically has a big purpose in this life apparently.
I am adjusting to life better. I don't freak out as much about talking to people about anything outside of missionary work (it's about dang time!) and I am spending time with my friends, and making new friends. More weddings, more showers, and hopefully more babies. Not from me though. I have been on a few dates-that's always fun. I am up for seeing what happens if anyone has their heart set on who my soul mate is. But, I'm not in a hurry. I have a lot of living left to do too.
My health.. is another story. Some days are good, some days are bad. I am still fighting with the virus that I got a bit ago. More problems have come up with random things, more specialists, more doctors appointments, more tests. I'm now having problems with my hands and my neck, so that's the next to be check by the big MD. But my headaches have decreased, my ulcers have healed, and I am able to keep food down. Hazzahh!!

Just like for most, life is life. Some days are good, some days are bad. The one constant I have is my faith and testimony in the gospel of Jesus Christ. Sometimes, I sit and try and figure out how to make myself the way I was pre-mission, thinking I'll make friends better/keep the ones I had, I'll have more to do, life will be different, etc. I keep reminding myself that I will never be that Olivia again. I won't be who I was before my mission. Just like any major, life changing event, I am changed. My mission brought new light into my eyes, changed my testimony and my Spirit, and for that, I will never be the same. And I love it! I love who I am becoming and who the Lord is molding me into. I'm not perfect, and I have many, many flaws. I have quite a few Christlike attributes that I should more earnestly acquire. But I am changed. I am overcoming the natural man, I am yeilding more to the enticings of the Spirit, and I am becoming something more. I have always believed that I am designed for greatness, because I was made by God Almighty, and I still am being made. And we all are. Despite the trials, experiences, mistakes, or disadvantages we might have, we are all destined to be great. 
I am learning to love, and love in an entirely different way. I feel like as life continues to shape us, we continue to learn different aspects and perspectives of different things. Love is one of those. And most importantly, I am learning to love me. I've always been my own worst critic, and I've always absorbed and believed the harsh, unkind things that others may say about me. And since I have actively tried to love being me, I have felt undescribable happiness. I am now beginning to see what Heavenly Father sees in me, and it helps me to understand why every picture of Christ I see, He is smiling back at me. I am weak, insecure, imperfect, sinful, prideful, unkind, and wicked-but I am His. He is my Shepard, and He is healing me despite my short comings.

I am a child of God. I am His daughter. And no matter what happens in this life or to me, He will always be my Greatest Fan.

This life

Why are we here?
Why do we have this life?

To fill the measure of our creation

And to have joy.

So how are we supposed to have joy in a world full of negativity?

Sometimes, when I get really frustrated with myself, with my health, with the world, I remember that this is all the way it is because Eve partook of the fruit. And although sometimes it seems like it would've been nice if that part could've been skipped, and all we'd need is the "good stuff". We all know that it can't be like that, but sometimes when our worlds seem really dark, it sounds like a nice deal.

But this is all necessary.

We are here to have joy, and we must take the good with the bad.

As we sometimes do, I took my happiness for granted.

I took my health, my life, my blessings for granted.

And sometimes I take my trials for granted.

I love being happy!

I'm coming to realize that life will be life.

And it's level of intensity and difficulty can be dictated on our happiness.

We must have the bad, so that we can recognize and appreciate the good.

And our happiness is so much deeper, stronger, and richer when the storm is darker.

So do those things that bring you happiness.

And always involve your Father. Heavenly Father is the creator of happiness-He is the creator of all.

Our Savior has given us the opportunity to experience happiness, even while in the eye of the biggest storm. The only way we can truly be happy is by applying the Atonement to get us through.

 

Happiness and peace are worth everything,

Including giving up hurt, anger, pride, and rebellion.

I have been sad. I have been depressed.

I have been angry, I have been prideful.

I have been hurt. I have been resentful.

But I have also experienced joy.

I have been inspired. I have been humble.

I have been at peace. I have been healed.

I have been happy.

I have been free.

All is available through the Atonement of Jesus Christ.

I love my Savior. He is my best friend,

my greatest ally,

my team captain,

my cheerleader,

my inspiration,

my counselor,

my comforter,

my physician,

my Lord, and my God.

And He is yours too.

Be happy.

That is why we are here, and the purpose of our lives.

Have joy.

It is much easier and better than the opposite.

Have faith.

It is greater than any recognition, acceptance, or approval the world could try to give.

{It's alright}

It's alright by matt & kim is my replay song right now.
Because they're right-it's alright.

It's been a time since I have really felt that everything would be alright. Not that the Spirit didn't affirm that to me, but it was my own heart deciding not to trust and believe that.

It's alright. It's alright to not know.
It's alright to be here. It's alright to have time.
It's alright to not be social all the time.
It's alright to have fun.
It's alright to drive with the windows down, wind in my hair, sun blaring in, singing at the top of my lungs.

I do it daily now. Which is a nice ritual to bring back.

It's alright to have your hair a mess, your face a mess, and be out in public.

It's alright to get dressed to the nines, and to feel pretty.

It's alright to miss people, to miss situations.

It's alright to be vulnerable, and to be lonely.

It's alright to feel feelings deeper than the surface.

It's alright to be sad.

More importantly, it's alright to be happy.

And it's alright to move forward.

Moving forward is always a scary endeavor. 

It requires trust in something other than ourselves, and to step into the unknown. 

The scarier thing is standing still, and staying in the past.

That's not the purpose for our existence, so why try?

We are given certain callings and experiences for a reason, and we are to move with them.

The happiest people you'll meet are those who cherish the past, look forward with confidence, and embrace the present.

So that's been my plan-to embrace.

I want to embrace more.

I want to embrace my life.

I want to embrace myself.

I want to embrace others, and hold them so tightly until they understand they are loved.

I want to embrace my 20's. 

I want to embrace my family.

I want to embrace the single life.

I want to embrace poor health, to remember how grateful I am for good health.

I want to embrace now.

embrace; to take in with the eye or the mind.

There is beauty all around, and a lot of it lies ahead. We can't see what's behind us, and that is for good reason. 

[it's like the game Temple Run-you can't turn around to get more jewels, you just have to keep moving forward.]

Don't miss the opportunities before you because you're too busy seeing too far into the future. Don't let blessings pass by because you are too focused on trying to return to the past. 

I'm the pot calling the kettle black. I have done everything but embrace my circumstances lately.

But I have been so much happier now that I am actively trying to enjoy my now than I was trying to dwell in the past. I will be first to admit that I have been lonely, and it's because I chose to be that way. Not now.

One day I'll get around to working out hard again.

One day I'll get married.

One day I'll be done with school.

One day I'll return to visit my mission.

One day I'll look back and see what the plan was.

One day will come; but I can't get back today.

'Be happy with what you have where you are.'

Challenge accepted. 

Kind of like a journal, right?

So, now that word is out about me not being able to return to my mission. What's next?

Well, to be completely honest, I have no idea.
Trust me, I have been falling apart because of that.
My life wasn't supposed to 'start' for another 4 months. And even then, I just imagined that everything would fall into place when I returned, ya know?
Not reality though.

I have known for a little bit that I wasn't going to be able to return to my mission. I think I knew when I left the mission field, because I was a lot sicker than I thought I was. And the Lord made it fairly clear.
I fought, and fought, and fought. I continued to think that if I was more obedient, if I was more diligent, if I was more consecrated, I would be healed and the Lord would see my desires were overcoming my illness. Even when I came home, I fought with my whole self to heal, to get better, so I could return to the mission field.
I'm now learning the importance in understanding, and applying, what I have been teaching people for the past year, and what I've always believed in my life.
For some reason, I have had a lot harder time swallowing the fact that the Lord knows best right now. I imagined that since I was doing His work, He would let me do it.
I'm starting to realize, and hopefully will accept, the fact that part of doing His work includes taking care of myself, and doing work at home.

I have had many opportunities to strengthen my family, to strengthen my friends, and to rekindle friendships that were in dire need to be brought back to activity. I have had opportunities to be humbled, to learn more of my weaknesses, and to recognize that I still have a lot of changes to make. I have learned to be submissive, to listen, and to apply. Everyone has opportunities to put their testimonies to the test, to put their spiritual knowledge to the test, and I am facing one of those opportunities right now.
I have never felt so at peace spiritually as I have the past few months. But I have also felt so completely lost, unsure, insecure, and ultimately failing. I have felt like I'm truly lost, and not really wandering, because I still know who I am, and whose I am, and where I will end up.

So here's to another journey. Here's to accepting my reality.
I have a lot of progress to make. Like accepting the fact that I will have to live in the now, instead of living in my mission. I have to find God's plan for me and follow it, instead of fighting and being stubborn. I need to accept that I'm no longer set apart as a full-time missionary, but as a forever disciple of Jesus Christ. I have covenants and commandments to keep. There are people to love, service to render, and fun to be had.

Thanks for all of the love and support I have received on my journey thus far, and for the patience I sometimes require. I seem to 'set out' on these 'journeys' to find myself, when in reality, it is just what life is. We are here to define ourselves and to become like our Savior. Thank you for the love despite myself, and for being there even when I haven't always been there in return.

Lil' Miss <3

I accepted;

Yeah, it's been like a month since I posted, sorry about it.

For an update, I finally got my tonsils out! Holla.
Yeah, most miserable experience of my life. I got them out Monday, I now am under my pre-mission weight, heading back to my high school weight. I've lost 13 lbs. since Monday, and I would never recommend this form of weight loss. It's fine though, because everything is starting to heal, and I've had a lot of time to think and process life, love, and food I can't eat.

I've been thinking a lot about Adam and Eve, and our pre-mortal life.

How terrifying it must've been for Adam and Eve when they realized that they would no longer be in God's presence,

 That they would have to remember and recognize what they had, and what they now were facing.

And of course, Eve must've felt immense guilt for knowing it was her action that caused this, even Though it was part of the plan.

She's a woman, and us women think a lot more than we'd like sometimes.

I then got to thinking about how scary it must've been to move into the lone and dreary world.

To go from a full knowledge and remembrance of their eternal beings and where they were

Into a world that was entirely not their own.

I'll admit, I still cry every time I see videos of missionaries opening their calls.
Always have, always will.
I cried when I received my call, when I tried to open it, and when I read my call to my loved ones of where I was to spend the next chapter of my life. I remember being so excited, yet it was so surreal. I was unsure of what it would be like to give my whole heart to these people that I didn't fully know, and if I would be able to really apply everything I'd learned in my life on my mission.
I was scared, frightened, but the Lord definitely comforted me. Like He always does, and like He has always promised.

It has finally hit me. I tried to imagine what it was like in the pre-mortal life when I received my call from Heavenly Father of where I would be spending the next chapter of my life.
I imagine the excitement I had, but the fear of leaving my Heavenly Father's presence. I imagine being so unsure what it would be like to experience a body and all of the feelings and characteristics that come with our mortal experiences. I imagine, being much like I am now, being stubborn and ready to take my life on full throttle. I probably tried to load more than I had, and Heavenly Father was telling me to chill out.
I imagine wondering if I'd be able to apply everything that I'd learned while being in Father's presence, and if I would do all that I knew I needed to in order to return to His presence. I imagine I trusted Him a lot more than I did with my mission call, but still being uncertain of what was in front of me.
I imagine I was scared, I was frightened, but that the Lord comforted me. Like He always does for His children. This was His plan, and He knew it would all work out.

I'm sure there were a few more things outlined in what I was expected to do while I was here

than in my mission call, but I'm sure the promises and trust placed upon me was the same.

Just as the brethren had the confidence that I would serve well, I'm sure Heavenly Father has always been more confident that I would serve well.

Life is hard, especially when it doesn't go according to plan. I remember leaving my parents for the first time when I went to college, and I was so excited I couldn't even handle it! Until I was all alone in my new apartment, and I realized my mom wouldn't always be right by my side. My siblings and my friends weren't in close in distance. I was now out of my comfort zone, and in the lone and dreary world of adulthood. Just like Adam and Eve. Just like being born into this fallen world.

So do we put as much trust in the Lord when things are unknown as we did when we promised to come to earth and gain a body? Does our valiance sometimes falter, and do we forget that the whole reason we are here on earth is because we were valiant followers of Jesus Christ? Do we strive to remember what we learned before this life so that we can apply it to our experiences? Do we trust the plan the Father created? Better yet, do we trust the Savior that He will fulfill everything He has promised? Are we fulfilling the mission calls that we received to serve here on this earth?

Nothing happens by coincidence.

God's hand is in everything-His fingers are so intricately involved so that we will always have His upper hand.

We have a specific mission for why we are here, which families we were born to, the trials we must face, the people we will come in contact with.

God does not make mistakes or accidents, and we are here for a purpose.

The question we need to always remember is if we are truly doing everything in our power to diligently fulfill our purpose here.

My life is a living joke of what Olivia thinks should happen and what really happens. Maybe I will learn to be humble and patient by the time I die, because I am obviously not learning those attributes quick enough here on earth.
I can't handle not having a plan and not seeing the future, and Heavenly Father has basically forced me to be blindfolded and trust Him.
But that is a choice I will never regret doing. I know His plan, I know where my future lies, so I need to not sweat the small stuff and enjoy the ride.

I am His daughter, He knows me.

He knows every attribute I possess, every freckle on my body, and every quirk and weakness I have. He knows me. And the best part is, He loves me.

He loves me, He trusts me, and He is always with me.

 

 

God is all mighty, all powerful, all knowing, and all loving. I can never express my gratitude for the mercy He has upon me and His grace which is continually changing me.
I'm not perfect, but I accepted the call to embark on the journey to become such. I accepted my call to be Olivia Bennett Rodriguez, to be born to my earthly parents in Hill Air Force Base, Utah. I accepted to report here on September 28, 1992 and to continue to strive to listen to and teach by the Spirit of God. I accepted, He trusted, and here I am. Send me.

We do hard things; for Him

It really amazes me how big life is. How fast it moves. How fragile it is.
Subtle moments can change the course of our lives.

I've been thinking about how little things can truly impact so much. Like building a house or a building, if it doesn't meet the necessary requirements, a simple piece of paper can halt the progression or even finishing of a project. Sometimes, it seems as though life throws those at us. 
It can be something as small as wanting a bowl of cereal and realizing that there is no milk, to losing a loved one in an instant.
And when it's the single instant choices that others make that cause us grief and pain. yeah, ain't nobody got time for that. The pain can sometimes seem too much to bear.

When I'm faced with these moments,

Which I feel are daily,

(Perks to being in a fallen world)

I think about moments that the Savior had.

Whether in His premortal existance,

His mortal existance,

or His resurrected existance.

I wonder about the happiness He feels when we are happy,

When we're truly happy, and His kind of happy.

I think about His giggles when He laughs with us.

I ponder His sadness when we are sad,

And His hurt when we are hurt.

His pain when we have pain.

His disappointment when we are our imperfect selves.

I think about the Garden of Gethsemane,

The tears He shed, 

The drops of blood that fell.

Our moments sometimes seem too hard to bear,

But His were impossible to bear by anyone else.

His moments.

They were all for us.

Because of our Savior Jesus Christ, our moments can be borne.

Because of our Savior Jesus Christ, our happiness can be magnified.

Because of our Savior Jesus Christ, we can heal.

If a survey were taken of history's most significant events, common answers might include the harnessing of fire, the discovery of America, the splitting of the atom,

landing on the moon, or the invention of the computer. 

Each is a wondrous event, but absent the backdrop of the Atonement each is of but transitory importance--no more than a shooting star illuminating the sky for a brief moment, and then vanishing into the night.

The Atonement gives purpose and potency to every event in history. 

President Gordon B. Hinckley spoke of its relationship to other events in world history:

"When all is said and done, 

when all of history is examined, when the deepest depths of the human mind have been explored,

there is nothing so wonderful, so majestic, so tremendous as this act of grace."

 -The Infinite Atonement

The greatest example of our Savior Jesus Christ, I think,

Is the fact that He came and fulfilled His purpose for what He was sent here to do.

Christ fulfilled His mission, in humility and love.

The important part that we must always remember

Is that we, too, have a purpose that we are here to fulfill.

And just as the Atonement is full of moments full of hurt and hardship,

Those were accompanied by fulfillment of a very vital purpose and mission.

We have moments that are used for our vital purposes and missions.

Every moment defines who we will become, big or small.

Are we allowing the Lord to form us into who He designed us to become?

Are we allowing our moments, whether happy or painful, to fulfill our purposes?

Do we forget the bigger picture? 

Or remember that 'If it be thy will, let this cup pass from me. Nevertheless, not my will, but thine.'?

The truth is,

It's all better left in the Lord's hands.

The greatest things are brought to pass if we will but submit to our All Knowing, All Mighty God.

And do His will, not ours.

 

words;

Words; Speech or talk: to express one's emotion in words; Words mean little when actions are called for.

Do we think before we speak?

Do we think before we type?

Do we think before we write?

Do we think about the words we use?

The things we think truly reflect everything we do.
What we say not only reflect our true selves, but they leave an impact on others.
I've come to realize how much we influence one anothers lives.
The words which I chose to listen to will dictate how I feel about myself,
how I feel about others,
and how I feel about life.

I've noticed that the books I read can either build my confidence, 

or deminish it.

They can increase my relationship with my Heavenly Father,

or deplete it.

They can enhance my knowledge, 

or keep it the same.

The songs I listen to effect my moods.

I can either be happy,

or sad.

I can be cheerful,

or angry.

I can feel the Spirit,

or dull the Spirit.

The words which I speak effect those around me

and myself,

but most importantly, my Heavenly Father and my Savior.

They can lift and inspire,

or harm and discourage.

They can comfort,

or hurt.

Do the words that we associate with always reflect

our relationship with Jesus Christ?

Do we choose to share the sensative information we have

with those who don't necessarily have the trust to know it?

Do we gossip?

Do we degrade?

Do we destroy others?

We will never know the whole story of a person's life and their feelings.

So it is not our place to judge,

to speak unkindly,

to be harsh,

to gossip about them.

Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, 

but that which is good to the use of edifying, 

that it may minister grace unto the hearers.

Ephesians 4:29

If the Savior stood beside me, 

Would I say the things I say?

Would my words be true and kind

if He were never far away?

Would I try to share the Gospel?

Would I speak more reverently

If I could see the Savior standing nigh

Watching over me?

Take a chance on Him

So I will have you all know, that last night while I was laying in bed after I finished reading my scriptures and reading from The Continuous Atonement by Brad Wilcox, I had the best inspiration for my blog tonight.

Aaaaand, I've been sitting here for hours and that idea still has not come back to me so...

My mind has been focusing a lot on happiness.

 The Savior isn't our last chance;

He is our only chance.

Our only chance to overcome self-doubt and catch a vision of who we may become.

Our only chance to repent and have our sins washed clean.

Our only chance to purify our hearts, subdue our weaknesses, and avoid the adversary.

Our only chance to obtain redemption and exaltation. 

Our only chance to find peace and happiness in this life and eternal life in the world to come.

Sheri Dew

Here I am, a day later because I got distracted.

What is it like to be happy??>>

I mean, real happiness.

Is happiness reflected in a smile?

A peaceful expression?

Or tears?

And how do we obtain this happiness??

Some of my happiest moments in my life involve more emotions than just happiness. 

Usually love, trust, forgiveness, service, and appreciation are involved as well. So how do we aim to find and feel these emotions more often?

The Atonement of Jesus Christ

  We have the ability to truly heal from all things in our lives.

Which gives us the opportunity to love.

To trust.

To forgive.

To serve.

And to appreciate.

There will always be experiences in our lives that make these emotions hard,

they never get to see the sunlight.

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

Philippians 4:13

Mediocre means halfway up the mountain. "It doesn't describe how far I can go. It just indicates how far I have come. If I am halfway up the mountain and on my way to the top, it is better than being at the bottom and refusing to try. No matter where I am on the mountain, the motivation to climb higher is found not in trying to impress God and Christ with my sacrifices, but in letting their sacrifices be more deeply impressed upon me." -Brad Wilcox

Allowing Christ's sacrifice to be more deeply impressed upon me

has truly changed me.

I can now experience true happiness.

I'm not perfect, nor will I be in this life.

I make mistakes-every single day.

But happiness doesn't come from living perfectly.

We are here to experience.

We have emotions and fears and feelings for a reason.

They are much more meaningful when embraced rather than ignored.

Remember that one of Satan's strategies,

especially with good people,

is to whisper in their ears:

'If you are not perfect, you are failing.'

This is one of his most effective deceptions...

We should recognize 

that God is pleased 

with every effort we make--no matter how faltering--to better ourselves.

-Elder Gerald N. Lund

Do not accept procrastinating your happiness.

Don't put off forgiveness.

Don't put off healing.

We only have this life, to learn as much as we can.

To change the best that we can.

Never forget that you deserve to be happy.

You deserve to have all that the Father hath.

And He has the keys to happiness. 

Ultimate happiness. The kind that counts.

Christ's requirements are not so that we can make the best of the Atonement,

but so that--on His generous terms--the Atonement can make the best of us.

- Brad Wilcox

Be brave.

Take a risk.

Take a chance on Christ.

Because true happiness is worth it. 

And we are here because we believed in Christ.

And when you know it's going to be a cloudy week,
buy flowers on sale.
I did it, and it brings me joy.

Throwback Thursday?

Throwback Thursday to a year ago today when I entered the Missionary Training Center (against my will, mind you).

February 20, 2013

 

I dreaded going to the MTC that morning.

My nerves got to me, and I begged my mom not to make me go.

I hadn't eaten in almost a week, nor slept, nor stopped crying.

The adversary definitely was trying very hard on me,

and he might've succeeded

if it wasn't for my incredibly strong mother who knows me better than anyone

and my first father's blessing from my sweet dad.

I will be forever grateful that I went through the motions and went.

(Even if I only consented to going because my mom said I only had to go for a week...

Which meant none of my family got a hug goodbye,

because I thought I'd be back in a week.

Psych.)

 

 

Being home for the past 2 weeks has of course been accompanied by many thoughts.

My mind is continually running.

Worrying about the people in my areas,

My Savior and His Atonement,

My body and my health,

My companions,

My family and loved ones,

And concern that I am doing all the Lord intends for me to do at this point in my life.

I spend a lot of time in the temple,

a lot of time on my knees,

and a lot of time just watching life.

 

 

Being in the field, I guess I forgot how wicked the world truly is.

I forget how strong the adversary seems to be,

and how hard he truly tries.

All we focus on as missionaries is how strong the gospel is,

and how much love our Heavenly Father has for His beloved children.

The gospel is stronger than the adversary.

And God's love is able to penetrate anything,

especially the deepest of doubts that Satan tries to place in our minds.

 

The sucky part about reflecting on the past year

Is to see the hold Satan still tries to have on my mind.

I'm not gonna lie...

I Facebook stalk and Instagram stalk people all the time.

So of course, my self esteem has taken a nasty blow.

Not only did I have to come home early because of my health,

but I also became a balloon Sister Rodriguez while in the field.

For some silly reason, I thought I would come home from my mission all thin and fit.

Silly girl.

Missions are to serve the Lord and give your all to Him and to His children.

Of course I obey mission rules-exercise every day, stay on a missionary budget, sleep for 8 hours, etc.

 

Now that I'm home, all I want to do is get up, work out, eat like a maniac, reach my goals.

Given my current health situation, that's not always super likely.

I get exhausted just walking up and down the stairs at my house,

let alone sweating it out with Jillian Michaels.

 

Our bodies are precious gifts.

Satan strives to break us down in regards to our bodies.

Because he doesn't have one!

I love what the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has to say

about us and loving our bodies, and who we are.

                   Click Here

 

 

 

We are made in God's image.

I don't know about you,

But that is a pretty amazing statement and fact.

 

God's image.

We are made after God Almighty.

That sounds pretty perfect to me.

Although we may not feel we measure up sometimes,

Our hair isn't long enough,

Our foreheads are too long,

'Too curvy'

Not skinny enough

Too skinny

Too many freckles

Small eyes

Big eyes

Not muscular enough

Small bust

Big nose

Small mouth

Big mouth

Thin eyebrows

 

Too religious

Not smart enough

Unattractive laugh

Big ears

Bad skin



And the list goes on...

 

God made us the way He intended us.

It may not be the way the world intends for beauty or perfection,

but God doesn't make mistakes.

The flaws we may feel we have are what our loving Heavenly Father intended us to have.

And who ever said that Heavenly Father saw them as flaws?

 

 

So in my pity parties that I tend to have every day,

especially when all I want to do is take my dogs for a walk around the block but I can hardly move my legs by the time I get my shoes on and their leashes on,

I am going to take into account what my Heavenly Father sees first.

Not what the world sees.

Now, it's what I see.

And certainly, not what Satan sees.

I may not be all that the world wants,

But I love who I am,

Because I know that God is shaping me to become who He designed me to be.

The only perfect thing about us is the love that the Almighty has for us.

Our lives go perfectly according to plan,

As long as we take into account the plan that our Heavenly Father has created for us.

 

The Plan of Happiness leads to happiness.

Why not make it the plan that we follow?

After all, that is what we strive for in this life

Happiness.

 

Adam fell that men might be;

and men are that they might have joy.

2 Nephi 2:25

 

The happiest people I know are not those who find their golden ticket;

they are those who,

while in the pursuit of worthy goals,

discover & treasure the beauty and sweetness

of every day moments.

 

Dieter F. Uchtdorf

 





 







The best year of my life, and more

My inspiration...

• I'll Go Where You Want Me To Go by Mormon Tabernacle Choir
• You Are Loved (Don't Give Up) by Josh Groban
• Families Can Be Together Forever by Primary Songs
• As Sisters In Zion (New Lyrics) by Janice Kapp Perry
• I Love To See The Temple by Primary Songs

My blog has epically failed at being updated, thank you to Rielyn. Sorry about it.

My year in the mission field has been the best year in my life, as well as for my life. I have learned more about myself and my Savior than I could have any other way. And I'm not done yet.

I have learned that I can love, and that I am lovable.

I am My Father's daughter.

Everything happens for a reason, and all things for a purpose.

The Gospel brings true happiness-that's a fact.

Jesus Christ is real.

God is Almighty.

The Book of Mormon does save and change lives.

Prayers are always answered.

Blessings come by obedience.

Disciple=Discipline

We show our love for God by our obedience to His commandments.

Love doesn't hurt.

It is possible to forgive continually.

Loving others isn't conditional.

Miracles do happen.

 

The things that mattered to me and were important to me a year ago

aren't the same things that matter now.

Everything has a different meaning.

I'm a different person-I am exactly who I want to be.

Humility has allowed the Lord to make more of me than I could make of myself.

 

 

I love my mission.

I love my Savior.

I love my people.

I love the Dakotas.

I love the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

I love the scriptures.

I love my family.

I am in love with who the Lord is making me.

 

 

Here's the deal-yo why I'm home for 2 months:

In July, I got sick with female issues.

Little did I know, I also got CMV

;Cytomegalovirus

; a virus in the herpes family

; mono like symptoms

Somewhere along the line,

I also got mono.

Since I'm stubborn, I just kept trying to push my body.

After not being able to keep food down, ulcers in my throat,

and completely exhaustion,

I was informed I was going home to heal.

(Also, get my tonsils removed.)

7 months of illness has really kicked my butt.

But the real reason the Lord brought me home is to help my family.

My mom is going through the temple,

and I get the blessing of being her escort.

 

 

Mosiah 4:9

Believe in God; believe that he is,

and that he created all things, both in heaven and in earth;

believe that he has all wisdom,

and all power, both in heaven and in earth;

believe that man doth not comprehend

all the things which the Lord can comprehend.

 

I'm home for many reasons, and I'm still an instrument in the Lord's hands.

20 month mission-piece of cake!

 

 

 

 





 

 

 

 

 

 

Behold, I am a disciple of Jesus Christ,

the Son of God.

I have been called of him to declare his word among his people,

 that they might have everlasting life.

3 Nephi 5:13