For an update, I finally got my tonsils out! Holla.
Yeah, most miserable experience of my life. I got them out Monday, I now am under my pre-mission weight, heading back to my high school weight. I've lost 13 lbs. since Monday, and I would never recommend this form of weight loss. It's fine though, because everything is starting to heal, and I've had a lot of time to think and process life, love, and food I can't eat.
I've been thinking a lot about Adam and Eve, and our pre-mortal life.
How terrifying it must've been for Adam and Eve when they realized that they would no longer be in God's presence,
That they would have to remember and recognize what they had, and what they now were facing.
And of course, Eve must've felt immense guilt for knowing it was her action that caused this, even Though it was part of the plan.
She's a woman, and us women think a lot more than we'd like sometimes.
I then got to thinking about how scary it must've been to move into the lone and dreary world.
To go from a full knowledge and remembrance of their eternal beings and where they were
Into a world that was entirely not their own.
I'll admit, I still cry every time I see videos of missionaries opening their calls.
Always have, always will.
I cried when I received my call, when I tried to open it, and when I read my call to my loved ones of where I was to spend the next chapter of my life. I remember being so excited, yet it was so surreal. I was unsure of what it would be like to give my whole heart to these people that I didn't fully know, and if I would be able to really apply everything I'd learned in my life on my mission.
I was scared, frightened, but the Lord definitely comforted me. Like He always does, and like He has always promised.
It has finally hit me. I tried to imagine what it was like in the pre-mortal life when I received my call from Heavenly Father of where I would be spending the next chapter of my life.
I imagine the excitement I had, but the fear of leaving my Heavenly Father's presence. I imagine being so unsure what it would be like to experience a body and all of the feelings and characteristics that come with our mortal experiences. I imagine, being much like I am now, being stubborn and ready to take my life on full throttle. I probably tried to load more than I had, and Heavenly Father was telling me to chill out.
I imagine wondering if I'd be able to apply everything that I'd learned while being in Father's presence, and if I would do all that I knew I needed to in order to return to His presence. I imagine I trusted Him a lot more than I did with my mission call, but still being uncertain of what was in front of me.
I imagine I was scared, I was frightened, but that the Lord comforted me. Like He always does for His children. This was His plan, and He knew it would all work out.
I'm sure there were a few more things outlined in what I was expected to do while I was here
than in my mission call, but I'm sure the promises and trust placed upon me was the same.
Just as the brethren had the confidence that I would serve well, I'm sure Heavenly Father has always been more confident that I would serve well.
Life is hard, especially when it doesn't go according to plan. I remember leaving my parents for the first time when I went to college, and I was so excited I couldn't even handle it! Until I was all alone in my new apartment, and I realized my mom wouldn't always be right by my side. My siblings and my friends weren't in close in distance. I was now out of my comfort zone, and in the lone and dreary world of adulthood. Just like Adam and Eve. Just like being born into this fallen world.
So do we put as much trust in the Lord when things are unknown as we did when we promised to come to earth and gain a body? Does our valiance sometimes falter, and do we forget that the whole reason we are here on earth is because we were valiant followers of Jesus Christ? Do we strive to remember what we learned before this life so that we can apply it to our experiences? Do we trust the plan the Father created? Better yet, do we trust the Savior that He will fulfill everything He has promised? Are we fulfilling the mission calls that we received to serve here on this earth?
Nothing happens by coincidence.
God's hand is in everything-His fingers are so intricately involved so that we will always have His upper hand.
We have a specific mission for why we are here, which families we were born to, the trials we must face, the people we will come in contact with.
God does not make mistakes or accidents, and we are here for a purpose.
The question we need to always remember is if we are truly doing everything in our power to diligently fulfill our purpose here.
My life is a living joke of what Olivia thinks should happen and
I can't handle not having a plan and not seeing the future, and Heavenly Father has basically forced me to be blindfolded and trust Him.
But that is a choice I will never regret doing. I know His plan, I know where my future lies, so I need to not sweat the small stuff and enjoy the ride.
I am His daughter, He knows me.
He knows every attribute I possess, every freckle on my body, and every quirk and weakness I have. He knows me. And the best part is, He loves me.
He loves me, He trusts me, and He is always with me.
I'm not perfect, but I accepted the call to embark on the journey to become such. I accepted my call to be Olivia Bennett Rodriguez, to be born to my earthly parents in Hill Air Force Base, Utah. I accepted to report here on September 28, 1992 and to continue to strive to listen to and teach by the Spirit of God. I accepted, He trusted, and here I am. Send me.
