This life

Why are we here?
Why do we have this life?

To fill the measure of our creation

And to have joy.

So how are we supposed to have joy in a world full of negativity?

Sometimes, when I get really frustrated with myself, with my health, with the world, I remember that this is all the way it is because Eve partook of the fruit. And although sometimes it seems like it would've been nice if that part could've been skipped, and all we'd need is the "good stuff". We all know that it can't be like that, but sometimes when our worlds seem really dark, it sounds like a nice deal.

But this is all necessary.

We are here to have joy, and we must take the good with the bad.

As we sometimes do, I took my happiness for granted.

I took my health, my life, my blessings for granted.

And sometimes I take my trials for granted.

I love being happy!

I'm coming to realize that life will be life.

And it's level of intensity and difficulty can be dictated on our happiness.

We must have the bad, so that we can recognize and appreciate the good.

And our happiness is so much deeper, stronger, and richer when the storm is darker.

So do those things that bring you happiness.

And always involve your Father. Heavenly Father is the creator of happiness-He is the creator of all.

Our Savior has given us the opportunity to experience happiness, even while in the eye of the biggest storm. The only way we can truly be happy is by applying the Atonement to get us through.

 

Happiness and peace are worth everything,

Including giving up hurt, anger, pride, and rebellion.

I have been sad. I have been depressed.

I have been angry, I have been prideful.

I have been hurt. I have been resentful.

But I have also experienced joy.

I have been inspired. I have been humble.

I have been at peace. I have been healed.

I have been happy.

I have been free.

All is available through the Atonement of Jesus Christ.

I love my Savior. He is my best friend,

my greatest ally,

my team captain,

my cheerleader,

my inspiration,

my counselor,

my comforter,

my physician,

my Lord, and my God.

And He is yours too.

Be happy.

That is why we are here, and the purpose of our lives.

Have joy.

It is much easier and better than the opposite.

Have faith.

It is greater than any recognition, acceptance, or approval the world could try to give.

{It's alright}

It's alright by matt & kim is my replay song right now.
Because they're right-it's alright.

It's been a time since I have really felt that everything would be alright. Not that the Spirit didn't affirm that to me, but it was my own heart deciding not to trust and believe that.

It's alright. It's alright to not know.
It's alright to be here. It's alright to have time.
It's alright to not be social all the time.
It's alright to have fun.
It's alright to drive with the windows down, wind in my hair, sun blaring in, singing at the top of my lungs.

I do it daily now. Which is a nice ritual to bring back.

It's alright to have your hair a mess, your face a mess, and be out in public.

It's alright to get dressed to the nines, and to feel pretty.

It's alright to miss people, to miss situations.

It's alright to be vulnerable, and to be lonely.

It's alright to feel feelings deeper than the surface.

It's alright to be sad.

More importantly, it's alright to be happy.

And it's alright to move forward.

Moving forward is always a scary endeavor. 

It requires trust in something other than ourselves, and to step into the unknown. 

The scarier thing is standing still, and staying in the past.

That's not the purpose for our existence, so why try?

We are given certain callings and experiences for a reason, and we are to move with them.

The happiest people you'll meet are those who cherish the past, look forward with confidence, and embrace the present.

So that's been my plan-to embrace.

I want to embrace more.

I want to embrace my life.

I want to embrace myself.

I want to embrace others, and hold them so tightly until they understand they are loved.

I want to embrace my 20's. 

I want to embrace my family.

I want to embrace the single life.

I want to embrace poor health, to remember how grateful I am for good health.

I want to embrace now.

embrace; to take in with the eye or the mind.

There is beauty all around, and a lot of it lies ahead. We can't see what's behind us, and that is for good reason. 

[it's like the game Temple Run-you can't turn around to get more jewels, you just have to keep moving forward.]

Don't miss the opportunities before you because you're too busy seeing too far into the future. Don't let blessings pass by because you are too focused on trying to return to the past. 

I'm the pot calling the kettle black. I have done everything but embrace my circumstances lately.

But I have been so much happier now that I am actively trying to enjoy my now than I was trying to dwell in the past. I will be first to admit that I have been lonely, and it's because I chose to be that way. Not now.

One day I'll get around to working out hard again.

One day I'll get married.

One day I'll be done with school.

One day I'll return to visit my mission.

One day I'll look back and see what the plan was.

One day will come; but I can't get back today.

'Be happy with what you have where you are.'

Challenge accepted. 

Kind of like a journal, right?

So, now that word is out about me not being able to return to my mission. What's next?

Well, to be completely honest, I have no idea.
Trust me, I have been falling apart because of that.
My life wasn't supposed to 'start' for another 4 months. And even then, I just imagined that everything would fall into place when I returned, ya know?
Not reality though.

I have known for a little bit that I wasn't going to be able to return to my mission. I think I knew when I left the mission field, because I was a lot sicker than I thought I was. And the Lord made it fairly clear.
I fought, and fought, and fought. I continued to think that if I was more obedient, if I was more diligent, if I was more consecrated, I would be healed and the Lord would see my desires were overcoming my illness. Even when I came home, I fought with my whole self to heal, to get better, so I could return to the mission field.
I'm now learning the importance in understanding, and applying, what I have been teaching people for the past year, and what I've always believed in my life.
For some reason, I have had a lot harder time swallowing the fact that the Lord knows best right now. I imagined that since I was doing His work, He would let me do it.
I'm starting to realize, and hopefully will accept, the fact that part of doing His work includes taking care of myself, and doing work at home.

I have had many opportunities to strengthen my family, to strengthen my friends, and to rekindle friendships that were in dire need to be brought back to activity. I have had opportunities to be humbled, to learn more of my weaknesses, and to recognize that I still have a lot of changes to make. I have learned to be submissive, to listen, and to apply. Everyone has opportunities to put their testimonies to the test, to put their spiritual knowledge to the test, and I am facing one of those opportunities right now.
I have never felt so at peace spiritually as I have the past few months. But I have also felt so completely lost, unsure, insecure, and ultimately failing. I have felt like I'm truly lost, and not really wandering, because I still know who I am, and whose I am, and where I will end up.

So here's to another journey. Here's to accepting my reality.
I have a lot of progress to make. Like accepting the fact that I will have to live in the now, instead of living in my mission. I have to find God's plan for me and follow it, instead of fighting and being stubborn. I need to accept that I'm no longer set apart as a full-time missionary, but as a forever disciple of Jesus Christ. I have covenants and commandments to keep. There are people to love, service to render, and fun to be had.

Thanks for all of the love and support I have received on my journey thus far, and for the patience I sometimes require. I seem to 'set out' on these 'journeys' to find myself, when in reality, it is just what life is. We are here to define ourselves and to become like our Savior. Thank you for the love despite myself, and for being there even when I haven't always been there in return.

Lil' Miss <3